


a temporary fit of madness

by 4cky



Category: Samurai of Hyuga (Interactive Fiction)
Genre: (i guess), Book 3 Spoilers, F/M, Genderfluid Character, Nonbinary Character, Romance, also i will never get over what the writer chose to do to kuniko, anyways that was changed cause fuck that noise, canon adjacent, hmmm sure devon sounds fake, i got mad at canon, so i took a hammer and i fixed it, you're telling me theres NO other way to get the same development except THAT?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 04:56:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13356963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4cky/pseuds/4cky
Summary: Rewriting of a lot of book 3 cause I just plain-out didn't like a lot of it! Mostly writing the Hatch romance that I craved because sometimes you gotta treat yourself and your OCs, you know?Anyways, book 3 Hatchmance rewrite with a lot of the events being canon-adjacent because a wholesale book rewrite would be exhausting for me. Enjoy?





	a temporary fit of madness

“Promise me you’ll come back alive for him,” the martial artist said with a steady reliability to his voice that she didn’t recognize in the past. _I guess he’s not all quick promises and half-baked impulses_. Obviously, she’d come back for Masashi- she cared way more about that kid than she’d like to admit.

“Of course I will, Hatch, I wouldn’t plan on anything less,” she gave the lopsided smile she used when being cheeky (which was most of the time, frankly). So why did her heart throb thinking about only coming back to the kid? They were friends, Hatch would always think of her like that. Always. They were friends and she wasn’t used to friendship, that was all.

The man seemed satisfied with her answer, patting her shoulder with a hand just as callused as hers, but infinitely warmer. “Good. I’m sure that’d make the little lord happy if he heard,” his boyish grin was still there, but there was a maturity, a warmth. They were friends (they were friends, they were friends, _theywerefriends_ ) so why was it increasing the pace of her heart?

Suddenly, she remembered Tosh, how _he’d_ suddenly asked her to ‘mount’ him or whatever nonsense, swooning over her deductive reasoning, showering her in compliments even though he’d betrayed her and was probably still betraying her. Attractive as that asshole was, he wasn’t who she wanted, she wanted… her fingers splayed through her hair, pushing her bangs back, muttering out, “Shit.”

“You stub your toe, Rin?” he asked in the same warm tones he’d asked her to promise earlier. That stupid heart of hers was merrily thudding away in her chest, thinking about how she’d given him her own air earlier, how she’d felt when he promised never to hurt her. _He’s moved on from Momoko_ , her disgusting calculating brain chanted, goading her into saying something.

She tried to shake it out of her head. “I’m fine, Hatch. Just, um,” she kept telling herself to bite her tongue, to shut up, to do _something_ , but she continued, “would. Would you be opposed to me staying alive for you too? Since you’re really important to me and all.”

The ronin searched his face, waiting and wondering how he’d react. There was a moment where his eyebrows furrowed (trying to figure out some sort of reason why, she’d wager) before settling back into a serious look, “I mean, if it helps, sure. From one friend to another, right?”

Right. Friends, they were friends. Nothing more. She nodded and gave that impish grin of hers, “Of course, Hatch.”

 

 

~~~

 

 

The former Jijinto resident was growing out a beard, something the ronin had previously believed was impossible. But damn if it didn’t look good. No, maybe she just thought it looked good because it looked good on him, specifically. She’d held no prior affection for facial hair, but it gave him a distinguished outdoorsy look and she had to remind herself daily that they were _friends_ with a good _friendship_ who were _friendly_ with one another. So casually, she joked, “Ey, Hatch, is that beard for real? Here I thought you couldn’t even grow one.”

“Wha… of course it’s real, Rin! C’mon, do ya think I’d wake up early and glue hair on my face or something? That’s just weird,” he sighed. Hey, he was the one who said it, not her. Not to mention she had… other thoughts about why he’d go missing in the mornings.

“Can I touch it?” It was an innocent request. Of course, not that she’d _ever_ have indecent thoughts about her friend, never. Said friend jutted his jaw out, by way of assent, letting her run her fingers through the thick fibers on his face. “Whoa, it’s softer than I thought it’d be!”

He gave something of a half pout at her words, “Didja really think I’d let it be all gross or something? ‘Course I wash it every day. It’s just kinda itchy, ‘s all.” Was it? Maybe she could help a little, then.

The fact she tended to keep her fingernails blunt actually managed to help her in this case, starting at his jawline and scratching upwards to his cheeks. The dark-haired woman probably should’ve asked if it was alright with him, but he seemed pleased enough with how she worked her hands. His weight started to shift towards her, his hands eventually resting on her hips as she continued to relieve his irritation.

Not that she minded in the least. “Harder, harder on the right side,” he mumbled, sighing in satisfaction as she seemed to find exactly where he was looking for. The scratching slowed and then stopped, her heart thudding like the hoofbeats of a galloping horse. _You could kiss him. You **could** kiss him and he probably wouldn’t even mind_.

But instead they stood there, his eyes closed lazily as he leaned onto her. Right, she needed to say something, like words, that’d be ideal. “I, uh, I hope that helped, Hatch,” she gnawed on her lip unconsciously, the man’s eyes opening languidly.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Right! You’re real good at that, Rin, thanks,” he smiled that same warm smile of his, and the ronin’s heart thudded with each moment his hands remained on her. They were friends. _Friends_. Hatch had repeated as much almost daily, she didn’t need to let her already tangled feelings get any worse.

 

 

~~~

 

  

Hatch was basically naked at the waterfall which was great for Rin and the fantasies she’d rather die than talk about, not so great for anything he intended to suggest to her. “Rin! Come meditate with me, I need to connect with my ki,” he shouted at her, barely managing to beat out the sound of the water pounding the stones. Was it warm in here or was that just her? Regardless, he had sake and as a result her, hook, line and sinker.

“Ehhh, I don’t know Hatch, I get bashful being naked,” she joked casually, loosening the belt of her hakama.

The martial artist rolled his eyes, “It’s meditation, Rin, don’t make it weird.”

‘ _Pff, who’s he take me for?_ ’ A smug grin crawled onto her lips, sliding the cotton kimono off her shoulders. Her foot dipped into the stream and she was struck immediately by the fact that holy shit it was damn cold. She was from Southern Hyuga, frigid waters were not her strong point. But she tried to stand there and learn to tolerate it, just so she’d be more prepared for the upcoming torrent of water that’d be falling onto her head.

Rin took another step forward and almost immediately dropped into a squat, shivering in this measly little stream. The kid was gonna verbally tear her a new one if she got a cold. “Hey, Rin, you okay?” The martial artist had apparently gotten concerned about her sudden collapse and was now squatting down next to her .

But most importantly, he was warm. He was a veritable furnace, despite the freezing stream around them. She cozied up to him (‘ _sharing body heat is what friends do!_ ’ she told herself as she nuzzled his bicep) letting his properly circulating heat warm her. “You’re so nice and toasty, Hatch.”

“That’s not… this isn’t meditation,” he grumbled. He was right, of course. Didn’t change the fact she was trying not to freeze her ass off, though. Finally, the martial artist sighed and pulled an arm around her, saving her from almost certain death. Despite his dampness, he was _leagues_ better adapted to the chill. “Feeling better, then?” _Maybe_ it looked inappropriate to see her curled up against him, bare chests pressed together, but that was just the level of trust and friendship they had, right? It wasn’t like she was a _pervert_ or anything.

  
“You’re a beautiful, bearded angel, Hatch,” she clasped her hands around his neck with a gleeful sigh. The ronin’s scarred hands lingered around his neck, letting herself imagine a future with him for the briefest moment.

  
And then it was gone, a memory of something she’d never have. Bitter thoughts were better on someone who was soft and sappy; her on a later date, perhaps. Upon getting comfortably warmed up, the ronin patted her friend’s arm and said, “Thanks a bunch. You’re the best.”

“Yeah, no problem, Rin,” he smiled that sweet grin of his. He pulled his arm away and she did the same, able to stand even without his warmth. Time for a drink! She nudged her friend with her hand, holding it out as an invitation to join her. He pushed her hand away, though, and she didn’t much understand it. “G, got a leg cramp, I’ll be over in a bit.”

  
Sure. A leg cramp. As if her mind would allow so easy an explanation. Trying (and failing) to muffle the snickers that kept leaking out of her mouth, she made her way to the warmed sake. Right, meditation, better get to the purification and whatnot.

 

  
~~~

 

  
Keiko was definitely the cagiest of her companions. Probably because of the fact she’d had at least a couple of moments she could’ve killed her, and she _had_ seen her kill a good chunk of her buddies on the way to Shiroyama. Even the doorman, Daisuke, didn’t have nearly her luck. But, again, this was why she was making an attempt to extend the hand of friendship. Or at least trying.  
Not to mention the relationship with the shugenja had been all but a bust since her questions about the writing on her stomach.  
“Been feeling any better since you started?”

“I got a bug bite on my ass that you wouldn’t beli-- hey, Hachirobei,” and like that, the gal had suddenly began to fall back from Rin and the conversation was over. It was a bit frustrating, but the ronin supposed there were worse things than hanging out with her friend.

The martial artist gave her a rather odd look, however. “I thought Tosh wanted to give you a massage today. They’d been talking about it all morning,” he asked, apparently unaware of how little she cared for the ninja.

Well, if he hadn’t picked up on it, there was no need to discuss it, “I’m feeling fine. Didn’t need a massage.”

“If you say so,” despite his squinting skepticism, he didn’t press the question. “Y’know, I _was_ wondering, something's been up with ya and the little lord? He was so excited to hear ya say you wanted to learn how to read, an’ then after you have your first lesson and I find him cr--” the martial artist clamped his mouth shut and reorganized his thoughts before he continued, again, “Anyways, he’s been in a terrible mood. Wanna shed some light on it?”

Illumination wasn’t her forte; she was a chipmunk, not a firefly. Still, nothing wrong with explaining the facts of what had happened, “Asked him what the symbol on my stomach meant and the kid was… well, unhappy would probably be an understatement.” It wasn’t like they liked whatever was carved on their stomach, either. It wasn’t anything more than an innocent question…  
Her friends eyes went wide before he nodded to himself. “Yeah, I could see how that’d upset him. Still, ya don’t remember anything about it?”

“Do you know anything about it?”

“Uh, well,” he scratched awkwardly at his bearded cheek, frowning, “you were fighting someone real bad, and honestly I was-- _we were_ all worried you weren’t gonna make it after that injury. Hell, I even got you a set of armor to keep it from happening again,” He swelled up with pride at that remark. No one was gonna hurt his friends on his watch, apparently.

Except that she’d quite obviously gotten hurt bad enough to require him to buy armor for her in the first place. Her hand unconsciously went to the wound on her abdomen, wondering why they felt the need to carve something into her, “So why’d the kid get so upset when I tried to ask about it?”

The martial artist shrugged helplessly, “I don’t know. I guess I was just glad you were alright, so I’d never asked much about it.”

Somehow, she was sure it likely had something to do with the doctor he’d been infatuated with being the one who was nursing her back to health. But still, it wiggled in her brain uncomfortably, like a worm in the mud. Why couldn’t she remember? And why did the kid get so upset when she’d asked about it? There were far more unanswered questions than she she’d started with and that didn’t sit well with her.

But it wasn’t her friends fault and getting an attitude after she’d asked some questions seemed like a bad decision. “Thanks for letting me know, Hatch. It’s good to know I have at least one person on my side.”

He made a face at that, something almost sad, “You have lots of people on your side, Rin. Tosh, Masashi… I think even our new friends even believe in you.” Yeah, right, Keiko probably believed in Rin about as far as she could throw her.

“I think you’re projecting a bit there. Not all of us can forgive and forget everything.” _Especially not when forgiving murderous ronin_.

He looked a little agitated at the implication that he was either so simple he let nothing bother him too deeply or else that he never held a grudge in his life. “There are definitely things I can’t forgive,” he tapped her stomach with the back of his fingers, the same area that the wound had been, “I don’t think I could forgive the one who did that. Even if I’m tryin’.”

Apparently, the one thing he couldn’t stand was when when people he cared about got hurt. Hypocritical as that was, it was good to know there was a limit to what he could forgive. Even his jealousy was short lived, and he respected when someone didn’t like him back; it was so different from--

Different from--

It suddenly felt like someone was attempting to drive a nail into her skull, the pain coming in the rapid strikesof a hammer. She held her head, flinching with each fresh beating of pain. Why’d it smell like metal? “Whoa, hey, _hey_ , what the hell’s going on?” her friend unravelled the bandages around his knuckles, dusty and worn though they were, pressing them under her nose. When he pulled them away she saw that distinctive red; she wasn’t prone to nosebleeds, though. “Tilt your head back so the bleeding stops. Seriously, are you okay? Did you hurt yourself back at the manor?”

The pain started to fade as he wiped under her nose, her thoughts drifting to him. “Didn’t know you were a nurse yourself, Hatch, “ she joked, pressing the old cloth under her nose.

“Pfft, naw, I just used to get those when I was a kid a lot. Grandpa used to help me with them, even though I think I probably got ‘em from bashing my face into the mats at the dojo one too many times,” he laughed and thumbed his nose, the gesture now holding an odd new meaning. Finding out this new information about him made her chest feel odd, the two of them walking in a comfortable silence.

 

 

~~~

 

 

“Please marry Kuniko-chan. She’s not _safe_ here,” Her father begged her friend before his words devolved into a fit of coughs. The feeling that threatened to close her throat was overridden by the knowledge that her friend liked this woman, and if he _did_ marry her, he’d be happy. Thrilled, even. She should be happy-- no, she _was_ happy for him.

“Father, I’m--”

“S-sir, I’m grateful, but--”

The partners in question looked at each other before modesty pushed their gaze to the floor. The martial artist gave a wide, sweeping motion, all but literally giving the mayor’s daughter room to speak. She cleared her throat and took the chance in an instant, “Father, I don’t want you pushing me off on people like I’m some… some _burden_. I’m not gonna to sit here and be treated like that.”

He looked at her with that same warm grin he got whenever he talked about Momoko in the past. The sort of smile that he’d never give her but that was fine because friendship was more than enough for her. The man’d been so busy staring at Kuniko that he nearly forgot he had something to say as well. “Oh! Uh. Yeah, so, I’ve been tryin’ to, uh… I mean, I was sort of in a place where I was in… an, er, a not-arranged sort of attempt so I guess I was gonna say I’m tryin’ to take a break from that. For, uh, a bit, maybe.”

Oh, fat fuckin’ chance of that, what with the moon-eyed gazes he was shooting at Kuniko. Why he was intentionally denying his own feelings, the ronin had no idea. It grated on her. Either way, it didn’t much dissuade her father, “Kuniko, this village will only bring you sadness and danger, _please_ consider your own life.”

“Consider mine, father. I’ve lived in this village my whole life, that I’ve farmed my whole life, that I’ve stayed here with you because I love you _and_ this village! Don’t kick me out before I have a chance to lead,” she said firmly, pouring herself a cup of watery tea. Hatch was practically glowing with admiration for her, and the ronin questioned whether she’d made an accurate assessment about her friend’s preferences for women. Perhaps he didn’t admire beautiful women as much as he did strong women.

Although the way she puffed out her chest certainly proved she had more to give in that area than others. Perhaps ‘attractive and passionate’ was more of his criteria.

Her father started into a fit of coughing after her speech that was only remedied by his daughter pounding on his back several times. The party members sat in silence as they ate the slimy but thin gruel that the house had provided them. So tomorrow she’d have to start training the people how to fight… she could only hope things would go better than anticipated.

 

~~~

 

 

“I’m, uh, s, sorry I didn’t help you back there,” the martial artist mumbled, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. It would’ve probably been easier to deal with if what hadn’t completely stripped him of any strength _hadn’t_ been Nishi calling him a virgin. The fact that he was, evidently, the purest man out of Tonogasha meant nothing as she was getting the shit kicked out of her.

Though really, who would want her to teach them after such a pathetic display? Other than, obviously, Hachirobei. “‘S fine, Hatch, we all have things we’re sensitive about. I was just surprised, is all.”

The man’s face went pink as he sputtered out an explanation, “W-well, I really just wanted to wait until I found someone w-who I really _loved_ until I did that, so I don’t think there’s any shame in wanting my first time to be spe--”

“I meant about you not being willing to hit a woman,” she stopped him before he started to begin to explain whatever fantasies he had about his first time. Not the point, and moreover, this was something he’d have to learn if he truly wanted to learn how to fight, “We don’t know what we’re going to face when that samurai has the villages fight, and I don’t want you to choke if they have a woman on the other side.”

His eyes went wide, looking off to a far corner of the room rather than his instructor, “I. I mean, I get what you’re saying, I just…”  
“Here, lesson 1: hit me.”

“Excuse me?”

She picked up the wooden sword from the ground, looking at Hatch, “You heard me. You’ve done it before, hitting your friend should be a good first step in learning how to hit a woman.”

“I only did it because I wasn’t in control of myself! I promised I wasn’t gonna hurt you again, anyways,” He declared, the look in his eyes rather pitiable. But being able to dissuade Rin with puppy eyes wasn’t going to do the guy any favors. The ronin struck the top of his shoulders without malicious intent. Not to hurt, but to annoy. After several whacks, he pulled back, grumbling, “I’m not gonna hit you! I don’t go back on my word!”

“Did you want to learn or not?” the ronin gave the side of his head a sharp smack with the bamboo sword, something she remembered her own teacher doing whenever she refused to do something. It wouldn’t damage anything, just hurt something awful. Rin’s resolution waved for a moment as her friend clutched his head, shrinking from the attack; no, this _had_ to be done, there was no way around it.

Another strike came in to hit the other side of his head but the martial artist blocked it with his arm. A bad move if she’d been using her normal sword, but as it were, he could take the hit. He may have looked guilty about it but at least he raised his sword to take the next blow. Rin wasn’t used to being the attacking party when it came to fights (or at least, attacking nearly as much as she was), but she whirled around him with ease, trying to get annoying blow after annoying blow in.

It became exceedingly obvious that her friend was terribly inexperienced when it came to combat. As if blocking blades with his hands wasn’t bad enough, he didn’t seem to be particularly aware of what to do if a hit connected and he still held a sword. It made sense for a martial artist to rely on his body, but if that martial artist was trying to use a sword… he just looked foolish and put himself into danger. “It’s not all defense, Hatch! Attack! I won’t stop until you can hit me!”

 The man grunted in response, taking another strike to the back of his knees. Not to mention, he was starting to look tired himself. Perhaps she’d been too harsh, perhaps it was a little much to hold him to the standard she held herself to on the first fight, though she continued to agitate him with strike after strike. It seemed, finally, he’d had enough and with a roar of exertion he did as she’d told him to. Not with a sword, however, but with his knee, connecting with her gut in a fit of frustration.

At one time, perhaps, she could have taken that hit, but not today. Not right where he hit. The scar on her abdomen burned and throbbed with an uncomfortably familiar ache, wondering if she might regurgitate what little food she had for lunch. But hey, he did it right? He hit back, just as she’d asked him to. No right to complain about that.

It seemed that quite suddenly she’d been pulled into someone’s arms and it took little time for her to recognize both who they belonged to and the fact she’d fallen to the floor, cradling her stomach.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, Rin! Are you okay? D… did I rip anything open? I knew I shouldn’t have done it, I really didn’t mean to hurt you,” her friend’s eyes were wide with panic, putting a hand over where her own had gripped the scar.

She had to take a moment to get her voice sounding better than a beaten vagrant before she said, “‘M fine, just need a moment.”

She could feel his brow furrowing next to her cheek as he continued to investigate how bad the damage was. “No you aren’t! Are you bleeding? I mean, I know I can’t fix you up like… _she_ did but--”  
“Nope,” The ronin shook their head, though Hatch’s hand still tried to scramble for where her wound would have been. Given his rash nature, she shouldn’t have been surprised at what he did, and yet it froze her solid.

He stuck his hand into her kimono, brushing his fingers against the ropey scar there. Removing it to check for any red that could color them, he was evidently satisfied and let out a sigh. It seemed the guy finally realized that maybe sticking his hand down a woman’s shirt, even if that woman was his best friend, was perhaps not a proper sort of reaction. “Uh, sorry, again,” he mumbled, staring at his hand as though it wasn’t already attached to his body. Quietly enough that she could barely hear it, he also said, “Was that really purity…?”

Purity. _Purity_? No, that was wrong. Somehow, she knew, something wasn’t right about it though the pang of pain that rattled her skull set up a physical block between the answer and her memories. She shook her head, trying not to dwell on it, “Geez, Hatch, I prefer at _least_ a nice dinner before someone starts sticking their hand down my clothes.” It was that remark that made him pull his arms away from her as though she was going to curse him if he touched her. She laughed, her scar still warm from where his fingers ghosted over it.

“Anyways, maybe you should ask the little noble to check on your wound. Make sure it’s okay, and whatnot, I dunno who else to ask, honestly.” Yeah, Rin wasn’t going to do that. The kid had only just recently started talking to her again, and she didn’t wanna push the issue by seeing how they reacted to checking out her unfortunate wound. Still, she smiled and nodded all the same, apparently placating her friend.

 

 

~~~

 

 

“Who was ready to help dig some pits around the wall?” Hatch grinned that boyish smile of his, and Rin swore she could hear the sound of Nishi falling for him. The ronin supposed that arranging for them to work together would be an easy way to get the former yakuza member on her side, and yet the words were knotting together in her throat. Or she could suggest something to help with her friend’s bonding with that girl he liked. _Get Hatch and Kuniko to work together, that’ll work_ , the words stayed inside her head, never taking the risky venture past her lips.

Kuniko ran up to him, her cheeks flushed nearly red enough to make her freckles invisible. She’d do her work for Rin, no problem. “I’m going to work with Keiko-san on the pits to the west. Can you take care of the ones to the east?”

If she’d asked him to carry the moon from the sky, she had little doubt he would’ve tried. “Of course, Kuniko! Consider it already done,” he nodded happily, his smiled mirrored on the other woman’s face.

Rin could hear the former yakuza member mumbling, “Can’t _believe_ freckle bitch over there…”

While they may not have spoken much, there was no reason to call Kuniko ‘freckle bitch’, and the ronin half-intended to tell her off (which would’ve resulted in more misbehavior, if not additional attempts at killing her) if Hatch hadn’t wrapped an arm around her shoulder almost conspiratorially and said, “I guess that means we’re gonna make some ditches, Rin!”

“Wha… oh. Alright, I guess we’re gonna make some ditches,” the ronin replied, cheeks itching to shoot a grin back at Hatch. Even if Nishi was all but throwing literal daggers at her, the martial artist had that remarkably infectious grin and she was sure she’d come down with it sooner rather than later. “To the east, then.” 

It was like they were taking a stroll from the bar back home, except neither had seen a drink in days. Needless to say, Rin desperately wished there _had_ been a bar nearby, it’d make her stop waking up in miserable sweats in the middle of the night. But that was that, this was ditch-digging. Together, they meandered to the walls, not hesitating a moment before they began the dig.

The excavation stretched the long hours of the morning into the heat of the early afternoon, and even the ronin could swear she could hear her bones grinding against each other as they continued. The heat was making her feel dizzy, or else it was the hunger, and she had to drive her shovel into the ground to keep herself upright. Ball of sunshine that he was, Hatch continued encouraging his friend as though she were an incredibly simple or lazy child. Despite the fact he couldn’t even see her, he declared, “You’re doin’ great! I bet you could get all this done by yourself if we let you dig for the rest of the afternoon!”

“If you kept pushing me this hard, you’d have to use it as a grave,” she whined, tossing another shovelful of dirt out.

The soft thunk of a shovel dropping to the ground was heard, as well as a grunt of effort. Rin looked over and immediately wished she hadn’t; her good friend was glancing up at the sky, which was incredible to her since the view was clearly where he was standing. Had he always been this muscular? No, maybe digging holes had done wonders for his lanky self. Most importantly, he’d removed the top he tended to wear, and he’d worked up enough of a sweat that Rin was suddenly concerned she was going to get heat stroke just from looking at him. Could glistening make someone pass out? She wouldn’t doubt it, checking him out. “Let’s take a break, then. Now’s as good a time as any!” He said with a nod at the sky.

Rin’s throat suddenly felt bone-dry as she continued to stare. “R-right! Let’s take a break. I’m good with that!” she replied, attempting to will herself (and failing) to look away from him. It was like staring into the sun, except she’d be more than happy if this sight was burned into her eyes until she was dead.

And then the proverbial angel offered a hand and it was a wonder that she hadn’t been murdered on the spot, “Need help getting up?”

Oh, she had fallen, she’d probably long since fallen, but she wasn’t going to get any help getting back up any time soon. But that wasn’t what he wanted or needed, now was it? Still, part of her, some selfish mutter that came from her mouth was like, “Yeah, that’d be great.” Her friend’s arm grabbed onto hers, assisting her in climbing out of that muddy pit. The guy was sweaty, to be sure, but she didn’t mind. Sure, he definitely needed a bath before he was gonna get any love, but that’s what they could always use the pits for, right?

“You alright? You look like your head’s in the clouds,” he raised an eyebrow, his friend stumbling up the side of the ditch rather than trying to answer. _Yes, Hatch, your best friend was attempting to burn the memory of your muscles bathed in the midday glow into their mind so she can die with the image, that cool with you?_ The ronin instead kept her mouth shut as she climbed up the side of the pit. “Oh, are you thinking about something? Like… were you thinking about your next lesson?”

“My next lesson? Nothing could be further from my mind,” though really, that’d be a better place for her brain to be rather than ‘how well could someone scrub clothes on Hatch’s abs’.

He stroked his now-bearded chin in contemplation before shrugging and, apparently, letting the topic go. From a pack that had previously gone unnoticed, he removed several small balls of rice and began to eat. “You can have some if you want. Working on an empty stomach’s bad for you!”

“Y’know, honestly, I almost never got a meal in when I was training. I always thought I’d be faster on my feet if I didn’t eat.”

His look was nothing short of disbelief. That, and maybe a little disappointment. “If you don’t eat, you’re not gonna build any muscle! Sheesh, no wonder you’re so scrawny,” he nagged, squishing her arm as if emphasizing the point. It wasn’t nearly as large as his bicep was, but hey, she was happy with her more subtle build. Even if it was getting a bit pudgy from the lack of training… “See? Touch my arm and you’ll feel the difference.”

Well, if he was insisting. She moved closer to his side and wrapped (or at least, made an attempt to wrap) a hand around his arm. It made sense that he had bigger arms than she did, he was generally larger than her. Still, he seemed quite proud of himself. No reason not to fuel his ego, “I guess that’s the difference between us. I pretend I don’t need to eat and end up all flabby and sad, and you eat three square meals and end up a beefcake. Truly, I can see the error of my ways.”

“Heh, I dunno about all that, but I do appreciate it,” the martial artist rubbed the back of his neck with an embarrassed smile. Digging one of the balls of rice out of his pack, he held it out to Rin, letting it drop into her open hands.

“It is, though. You’d think being a starving orphan would’ve made me _more_ likely to eat whenever I could but I always felt like… like if I can’t get this food myself, I didn’t need to eat it. I hate being indebted to others, so I just made up excuses for why I didn’t eat,” she told him, sticking the soggy rice into her mouth, “never got any better as I trained, either.”

Hatch seemed to have almost completely forgotten about the food as he stared at her, “Did you… wanna talk about that? I don’t think you’ve ever told me.”

Had she really not told him about it before? Well, no reason not to, she supposed. “I trained under this old samurai jackass. He wouldn’t even call me by name, just ‘girl’... but he chose me to be his successor in the end and that’s why I have his--” but she didn’t have his sword, did she? She had someone else’s blade. It belonged to… pain started to shoot through her head, but she shook her head, moving away from it. “A-anyways, I only really trained out of spite, that’s how I learn most things.”

“Seriously? I always thought you just… were kinda born with it,” he stroked his beard thoughtfully, “although, thinking about it, that doesn’t make a whole lotta sense. Still, you always seemed so, I dunno, above spite and stuff.”

“ _I_ seemed above spite? Really?”

While he looked a little embarrassed, his jaw set in an almost stubborn manner, “You’re so calm and thoughtful. Even if you’re really upset or angry about something, you’re quiet about it.” The martial artist looked at her with an almost uncomfortably scrutinizing gaze, “Ya wanna talk about it more?”

It wasn’t her fault that this got a laugh out of her. Had she really not talked about it in the past? They were friends, why _wouldn’t_ she want to talk about her life with him? “I mean, like I said, I never really enjoyed training. I liked slacking off around the docks infinitely more and watching them go about with the ropework and stuff.”

“Oh! _That’s_ why you’re always fiddling around with that cord, right?” he nodded, finally grabbing another small wad of rice and popping it into his mouth. She grinned and gave an infinitely more subtle nod, Hatch looking pleased as punch at his deduction skills. Most importantly, actually talking to Hatch about herself made Rin’s chest feel lighter. “Ya know, I’m really glad you’re talking to me about yourself. Even if your memory’s sorta fuzzy. Makes me feel like you like bein’ my friend as much as I like being yours.”

Her chest squeezed painfully at the thought of Hatch thinking she felt anything other than a deep affection for him, but she dispelled that with a punch to his arm. “Seriously, Hatch? I care about you a ton. Don’t ever doubt that.”

 

 

~~~

 

 

How had she gotten talked into this? There were at least a hundred other things she’d rather do than be sitting here with Kuniko and Hatch, feeling like she was chaperoning a first date. The ronin’d make a terrible chaperone at _best_ , at worst she’d let her friend get that problem he was so sensitive about taken care of with his new true love. What a disaster _that’d_ be. Especially since her mind had long since decided one thing and the jury was still out on how her heart felt on the matter.

The freckled woman poured a cup of tea for each person there, her friend looking like he’d just been given the nectar of the heavens. “Rin-sensei, I wanted to thank you again for teaching everyone here. I realize we don’t have much, but I hope you’re able to forgive our meager offerings,” she bowed her head deeply, almost looking like she was ready to prostrate herself to the floor. 

A bit weird for a first date. Still, she glanced at the tea (not much of a drinker, herself) and turned back to the mayor’s daughter, “No, I’m happy to help. I’ll admit that I’m not the best teacher but… I hope to keep your village safe.”

“And you’ve been doing beautifully so far! It’s just that… well…” her hands fidgeted about her cup of tea, staring into the depths of the cup, “I’m concerned for what will happen after you leave. I realize this village is small and probably nowhere near as comfortable as what you’re used to, but if you would be able to stay behind and continue to teach our village, I can offer you land and a home.”

This was not how she’d expected this to go. For one thing, she’d expected far more eyelash batting from Hatch and a lot more embarrassed but smoldering stares. That was what happened with romance, right? Well, what’d she know, it’s not like she was some sort of expert on that stuff. She cleared her throat, glancing at Hatch. Unexpectedly, her friend’s hand moved to hers, holding it, stroking the back of her hand as he told her, “I mean, I know you have a lot of stuff you wanna get to once this is all over, but I think you could really make a difference here. Y’know?”

Was… was her friend seriously trying to get her to stay here? Ronin grew no roots and had no home. But this, _this_ was Kuniko, the woman who’d likely be running this town after her father died, offering her a new job, shit as she was at it currently. A new meal ticket. Away from the bodyguarding she was already questionable at.

And if she stayed, what would happen to Hatch?

 _It’d be easier on him, if his girlfriend and his best friend lived in the same place. But what if he had to go back to his grandfather’s dojo? Was he just going to abandon it? Is this why he wanted to learn how to fight with a sword? Why does it even matter to me?_ Thoughts danced in her head like the tea leaves that sat at the bottom of her cup as she swirled it, trying to rationalize the request. Abandoning people… it didn’t feel like it was in her nature. Though her mind said otherwise as a metallic tang rose from the back of her throat.

Kuniko coughed a little, trying to clear the other woman’s thoughts, “I know it’s a big thing to think about. It’s your future, after all, and I don’t want to push you into something you’ll regret. If you had any questions or requests, I’ll do my best to answer them. Um, I hope this hasn’t been too much dropped onto your lap…”

Rin sipped at the bitter cup, the taste clearing her mind a little. “Don’t worry. I’ll definitely consider your request. Although… what were you planning on doing after the tournament, Hatch?”  


He shrank a little, pulling away from her, “Me? I dunno why that’d matter--”

“If Hachirobei staying would convince you to do the same, I’d be happy to find land for both of you. Close to each other, even,” the mayor’s daughter said, trying and failing not to sound too panicked about her considering other options.

Her friend’s eyes widened as he looked back at her, momentarily speechless. Had she not brought it up before? Had this somehow gone from ‘first date talks’ to another possible marriage conversation?

No, this was Hatch, of _course_ it would’ve gotten there sooner rather than later. She should be happy for them. Young love and all that.

So why did her tea taste so sour on her tongue? _Just be happy he has someone he loves you stupid, selfish, no-good piece of sh_ \--”I mean, I do like the country and everything! It’s a lot better than the city in a lotta ways, that’s for sure,” her friend finally said, thumbs nervously fiddling with his teacup, “I just, you know, back there, I…”

She smiled, albeit weakly, “I’m sorry for mentioning it, then. I know you have tons of responsibilities, too.”

His eyes seemed almost sad as he mumbled, “Yeah. Tons of responsibilities.”

 

 

~~~

 

 

“Freckle-chan, whaddya say to spending some times with the boys tonight?” the bald samurai asked, sounding as sleazy as Rin would’ve guessed he’d sound. Kuniko’s jaw set at their discussion, but that was all she did, but ignored them and continued to talk to Keiko about her training. Hatch, on the other hand, was far less willing to take this lying down.

“She has better things to do than to let some asshole samurai bother her,” It had to have been one of the harshest looks she’d ever seen on his face, his teeth clenched and eyes narrowed. Even if this was something the mayor’s daughter just dealt with, her friend clearly saw no reason for that to continue; wonderful, good Hatch and his love of rushing in to help people.

But this wasn’t something the samurai looked like they would be cowed over. This was _their_ village, and some upstart calling them what they were was not going to go over well. The bald man puffed up, likely only taller than him because he rode on a horse, “That right, huh? And who’re you to tell me what she does and does not want?”

The martial artist refused to back down from this, “Her friend. And even if I wasn’t, it’s obvious that she doesn’t want to talk to you.”

“It’s fine, just let it go, Hatch,” Kuniko told him, glancing between the posturing men. No, it wasn’t fine, and there was no way in hell he’d back down after the other man’s behavior. That was just how he was.

This was the sort of response the other man had apparently been waiting for, sneering at her friend, “See? The only one who has an issue here is you, big guy.”

His shoulder stiffened as he glared up at the samurai. Rin could almost physically see the debate going on inside his head until he finally said, “Huh, didn’t know you samurai were such _cowards_.”

“What, you’re gonna _goad_ me? I guess we know who the village idiot is.”

“If that’s what you call someone with enough guts to stand up to you, I guess I am,” he replied. Rin became suddenly aware of the men surrounding the martial artist, almost wishing Kohaku had been nearby to help de-escalate the situation. Her friend was tough, but even he couldn’t take down four armed men…

When the bald samurai unsheathed his sword, her hands darted toward her own. Why was she so damn slow, her fingers so unsure? Why couldn’t she save her friend from the cut the bald man brought down on his head? All her stupid, slow body could do was shout, “Hatch!”

And he caught the blade as it swung for him, wrenching it hard enough to unsteady the man’s grasp on the weapon. The jolt had been nearly enough to knock the other man from his seat, but he managed to keep himself seated at the last moment. Still, the hint of a smug grin on his face was one that kept the samurai’s men snickering. Redness spread down the leader’s face as though he’d been the one bleeding. “Need I remind you fools who the superior officer is here? _Get rid of this idiot!_ ”

She reacted almost immediately: drawing her sword (still slow, but not so slow as the other men there) across the man’s neck. Full of a confidence she no longer felt worthy of carrying, she said, “Now, now, I’m sure the general has other things he needs his soldiers to do, right?”

The laughter had stopped. The samurai looked more like he was about to burst a vessel in his neck before he hurt anyone, looking like he was planning on either barking out an order to his fellow samurai, snapping Rin’s neck, or else pissing himself. In the end, he took a fourth option, turning his horse away from their group. “Men! We’re leaving!”

“Of course you are,” she mumbled once they’d gotten out of earshot, sheathing her katana once more. Hopefully, she’d made enough of a fool of them that they wouldn’t attempt some sort of retaliation.

“Rin, what the hell were you doing?!”

The shout was so uncharacteristic that she nearly didn’t recognize it as her friend. There was no gratitude in his eyes, only irritation. Was he mad that she’d stepped in? Surely Hatch wasn’t so naive to think he could fight four grown men. “You were in trouble, Hatch, pardon me if I prefer my friends not be used like a pincushion,” she retorted, with no lack of irritation.

The frown on the martial artist’s face only deepened. “And _you’re_ always like that! Underestimatin’ me! I _know_ I’m not the strongest fighter you teach, but dammit, I know what I’m doin’ when it comes to fistfights!”

“Oh, yeah, those guys sure seemed like they were planning on engaging in fisticuffs,” Rin replied sarcastically. This was all because he was trying to impress Kuniko, wasn’t it? Being the big, tough man in front of her. But what sort of fool was willing to let himself die just to look cool for someone?

“Even if they weren’t gonna, I know those type of men. Ya act strong in front of them and you can keep ‘em from bothering people ever again,” he said with an assured nod, but the ronin wasn’t buying it for a second.

Before she could bite the words back, they leapt from her mouth, “So, what? You think if you fight a bunch of samurai for the honor of one woman, you’ll get the girl? Real life isn’t some fairytale, Hatch, there are consequences to all the stupid, impulsive choices you make!”

He flinched as though he’d been physically struck, and the ronin immediately regretted what she’d said. But her friend squared his jaw, and gave her a look that made her feel even more ashamed of herself. Without a word, he walked away from the situation. At least he had the maturity to know when to leave a conversation, unlike a certain ronin who couldn’t shut her damn mouth.

She could barely register when Kuniko touched her shoulder, saying, “I don’t know if there’s something wrong between you two, but I’m sure he’ll be back soon enough.” Sweet, big-hearted girl, not even thinking about how moments before a gang of samurai had been threatening her.

The ronin’s heart sank in her chest, holding hand over it as though she intended to catch it. What could she expect otherwise? She ruined everything she touched.

 

 

~~~

 

 

After feeling like shit over it for most of an afternoon, Rin desperately wanted to apologize for the things she’d said. _Hatch is forgiving, he’s probably already forgotten what you said_ , part of her said, but a far larger portion replied, _I just want to do it because I’m selfish and I want to feel like I haven’t let my friend down_. So she spent a good chunk of her time with the mayor’s daughter, waiting for him to return just so she could say sorry, give them her blessing, even. That was the least she could do for the bull she’d spouted.

And yet, even as she helped Kuniko with her daily rounds to the farmers, making small talk about how her classes were going and how proud she was of the progress of her students, he never returned.

“Rin, how’s Keiko-ch--Keiko-san been doing in your classes?”

“Keiko? Oh, well… I think she’s a little nervous, maybe a little sloppy too, but she’s been making real progress with her spear,” the apparent teacher replied, eyes glued to the door. Still, the country girl seemed plenty pleased with her response.

“I know she’s not exactly… adjusted to the area, so I hope she hasn’t been giving you too much trouble when it comes to teaching her,” she gave a smile of affection for the woman, tucking her hair behind her ear. She distantly recognized that both of them had someone else they’d rather be with in that moment, but that revelation never hit her conscious mind. The woman suddenly shook her head, apparently having come to a conclusion, she suddenly asked, “Oh, right, you needed new haori for the tournament, right? Did you have a color preference?”

 _Blue, like the sea on a calm day_ , were what she thought, though for some reason, the idea of this sent another flash of pain through her mind. She felt something drip from her nose and pressed her sleeve against the area. Instead of continuing, she wiped her nose and said, “Whatever would be easiest for you, Kuniko-san. I don’t want to cause any trouble.”

She nodded, face apologetic as she said, “You seem like a kind woman, Rin-sensei. I wish I could understand why he…”

Her words trailed into silence. She didn’t need to identify the proverbial ‘him’ for it to be known. Where the hell had Hachirobei gone? Perhaps someone else might’ve seen where he went. It just didn’t make much sense for him to leave without telling Kuniko about it…

Before she knew it, she’d bid the mayor’s daughter farewell and started to retrace her friend’s steps as he’d left, hours earlier. The village was filled with ghosts of him, an old woman whose fence he’d mended, children who played with him, men whose stories he’d listened to, all of them remembering him as fondly as though he were a legend. And why wouldn’t they, he was a good, noble guy. She just prayed she wouldn’t find his good, noble face with a pike through it outside the village limits.

“Where are you going?” Riding up on his horse, the uptight samurai gave her a look as though she were worth less than the shits his horse took, but she didn’t give a damn.

There was someone she had to find. She ran past him, continuing down the road, hoping (praying) that Hatch’d be blowing off steam near the too-wet rice paddies. “I’m busy, Kohaku. Bother me some other time.”

But the swordsman just wouldn’t let it go. “Don’t you have that class to teach?”

“Listen, one of my students is miss--”

“It’s ‘Hatch’, isn’t it?” She must’ve looked shocked, as the man sighed, turning his horse back to the ronin. “I fear I may have an idea as to what happened.” He held out a hand to her, and part of her wanted to spit at the guy. Of course _now_ he wanted to show up and help, act the noble hero to the pathetic, prideless idiot she was. But part of her knew he actually _did_ have an idea of what happened to the guy. Did she really want to know? Did she need to know? No, what was she thinking? Of course she did.

She had to know what happened to her best friend.

The ronin took the samurai’s hand, and pulled herself onto his horse, silent as death as they road out of town.

 

 

~~~

 

 

When she first heard the sound she thought it was, perhaps birds cawing at each other over their next meal. The sound was dying as they approached the outpost, but even then, she’d heard enough screams to know what a human sounded like when in pain.

There was a low, harsh laughter from several men, one of them speaking to the person who was screaming. At least, that was what it sounded like, her grip white, knuckled as though the ronin’s own tenseness could force the horse to go any faster. “You know, I’ve heard people say that feeling the nerves snapping is the worst pain, but I don’t know how much more of a pain that’d be for me to rip or cut--”

The two of them entered the old outpost. The first thing Rin saw was blood. Even having spilled the blood of hundreds, _this_ felt like too much. The second thing she saw was who the blood belonged to; with his legs and arms tied in front of him she could easily recognize the friend she’d said all that shit about.

'I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. _It’s my fault, this is my fault, it’s my fault it’smyfault_ \--' Even as her breath hitched, something inside of her, cold and detached, evaluated the situation. Since she and Kohaku had entered, there were several samurai ( _killkillkill **killkillkillkillKILL**_ ) who sat dumbfounded as they had entered. She needed to stop the bleeding, wherever it was coming from.

His hands… his left hand was bleeding, two fingers-- no, one finger and a half of a second one, had been cut off. It seemed like they’d started on Hatch’s third finger, but thankfully, Kohaku and her must’ve been too fast to keep them from finishing. While it bled, it seemed to be a surface wound. His other hand, while it seemed swollen, did not have the same level of damage the left one did. Whatever the samurai who had brought her there was doing, it could take a backseat to what she needed to do to keep the wounds from getting any worse. A fire served as light in the rapidly dimming compound, Rin having dealt with more than enough burning metal in her life that heating her sword proved no issue.

Maybe she wasn’t a doctor, but even a rotten ronin knew how to fix an open wound, even if it wasn’t the cleanest way. “Hatch, stay with me, okay? Just say things. Make noises. I need you to do that for me, okay?”

“R…..rrrrrrrrrnnnn,” was he trying to say her name? It didn’t matter, it was a noise and she needed to keep hearing them. Wait… shit, this was going to hurt, maybe more than whatever happened to him. Hatch couldn’t bite his tongue off while this happened, there wouldn’t be any coming back from that.

She untied the thin obi at her waist and shoved the wad of cloth in between his teeth, “Bite. And don’t forget to breathe.” The ronin touched his hand, as delicately as she could manage (he still groaned as she felt something in his hand shift), bringing it towards her. The tip of her sword was red hot, just as she needed it. The woman ground her teeth together as she grabbed the hot blade and pressed it to her friend’s open wounds.

There was another choked scream that stayed choked in his throat, and she was certain any pain from holding a hot blade paled in comparison to having his own wounds cauterized. Why did the smell make her head pound so badly? She could feel his resistance to the second cauterization, but he’d long since lost the strength to do anything but the most pitiable opposition. A half-assed sob and a tug away from her. _It’s for your own good…_

Pity wouldn’t help anyone right now. With the other side of the blade, she burned that half-finger that remained. If only so she wouldn’t have to look at his face, she let herself close her eyes. In retrospect, this was probably a bad idea; the smell of cooking meat was all the more acrid, the the choked cries all the louder, the attempts to pull away from her all the stronger. There wasn’t a god that Rin believed in, but she prayed for _something_ out there to make it stop.

After counting to the appropriate time, she pulled the blade away from her friend, tossing it back into the fire. His breathing was ragged, but he _breathed_ , and that was the most important thing. The tears and snot left streaks on his face between the mud, a black eye around both of his eyes, and more cuts and swelling than she wondered if even the good doctor herself could’ve handled. Torture, that was clear enough to see, and all over a man being slighted when someone tried to defend a woman’s honor. “Hatch,” she said, her voice a little raw herself, “I’m gonna take the cloth out of your mouth. Is that okay?”

Her friend made a soft wheeze of a grunt. He spat out the folded up cloth, blood and spittle dripping towards his chin. That was one way to deal with the issue, she supposed. The least she could do was try to make him a little more comfortable; though the knots were unfamiliar, it took a short while before she realized that they seemed to cause no circulation problems. She removed them with no trouble at all. Her hands carefully unwound the ropes, feeling raw burns her friend must’ve gotten as he fought these samurai. It took every ounce of strength that was in her to not pull him into her arms and inspect every area he’d been hurt, burn it to memory, so she could pay it back to them a hundredfold.

The martial artist let out a muffled grunt as he looked at her and finally said, “‘M sor… ry…”

“You have nothing to be sorry about. I messed up,” _I shouldn’t have said those things, I don’t know why I did, and I’ve been a terrible friend to you forever_ , but the words wouldn’t form, leaving her with her guilt and shame. She grit her teeth together as she mumbled, “I’m always putting the people I care about in danger and I never _learn_.”

Silently, he brought up his relatively unmarred hand, touching the back of her head. The man had no strength in his body but he pulled her to his chest, regardless. It wasn’t until she felt the rumble from his throat that she understood what he was trying to do. “Alive. Still... alive.”

 

 

~~~

 

 

Despite the injury, Hatch came back to to the lessons quickly, his reason being ‘lying around moping isn’t going to fix my injury’.Throwing himself into lessons wasn’t going to fix it either, but the man wouldn’t hear it. She paired him off with Keiko (that woman could almost never hit something with the point of her spear, and it’d be a good way to see if Hatch was still anxious due to his weird chivalry). He didn’t have the same sort of grip that he used to, what with his… amputation, but as long as she kept the sheath tied to the guard, it was safe enough.

...Emperor’s shitpot, did she hope it was safe enough.

“Get your fuckin’ head out of the clouds, you useless bitch!” Nishi’s club swung way too close to her head, though she was able to pull away at the last moment.

“Don’t you ever get tired of trying to murder me? Or is that just the highlight of your shitty day?”

The yakuza enforcer shifted her grip on her club and settled a glare on her, “Dunno, you ever get tired of killin’? Oh, wait, of course not, you had a good enough time to give Daisuke a run through your sword, huh?” She twisted around and tried to hit her with a backswing of her club, but her teacher was able to block it.

Rin threw the other woman’s force back at her and sent her stumbling backwards. “I know I’ve killed a lot of people and I can’t fix that. But do you really think killing me’s gonna make up for any of it?”

“It’d make me feel a helluva lot better,” the yakuza responded, and once again she was trying to beat the tar out of Rin. With each swing, she became a little more reckless, her grip a little more loose.

The ronin waited until there was finally an opening and swung.

Unfortunately for her, it ended up with the club smashing into the side of her face, even if she disarmed Nishi. A deepening darkness swam in her vision for a moment, even as the woman grunted in annoyance. “Stop fighting so _angry_ , it makes you sloppy,” Rin spat at her, still trying to blink the stars from her vision.

Nishi elbowed her teacher’s rib cage, pushing her away, “Oh, that what happened when you saw your friend again, there? Approach it all calm and cool-like? Sit and watch while they lopped off his fingers?”

“I don’t have to explain myself to some piece of shit yakuza--”

“Y’know, I talked to that kid you’re protecting. Said the scar came from someone you used to know,” her finger lazily traced a line across her neck, and her memories vividly flashed to the shugenja’s scar. Despite a sharp pang of pain in her head, she couldn’t stop thinking about it, where it had come from, “Did you sit back and approach that all calmly too?”

Fuck using swords actually, her fists would work just as well. The ronin tackled her student to the ground, letting her momentum strike the woman directly in the chin. With the initial exhilaration of finally hitting the other woman came the realization that not only was this one of her _students_ , but that Rin was terrible in a fistfight. Especially since the other woman had probably spent most of her time in drunken brawls.

Nishi headbutted her teacher, turning the tables on her. The yakuza twisted the two of them back into a position where she was on top, swinging her fists over her head and onto Rin’s solar plexus.

“Come on, killer, where’s your _fighting spirit_? I wanna see the light go out of those fugly yellow eyes of yours!”

The ronin felt the wind get knocked out of her, unable to catch her breath again. Angry at the kid for daring to talk to this monster, understanding that how they couldn’t know any better since it was a monster that protected him. It was a monster that saved Hatch--

No, this wasn’t the time to wallow in self-pity! This was a fight, dammit, and she needed a win.

Nishi’s anger always kept her weak points open, it was the same thing that made it so painfully obvious that Rin was nothing without her sword, without whatever kept her killing. Her fists might’ve _hurt_ but it showed how unguarded she was with her weak points. Her student pulled a hand back, ready to hurl it back at her teacher, but that teacher could see where it was going. Ignoring the pain the scuffle had caused her, she yanked her down to her level, striking her throat with her elbow and, at least temporarily, ending the fight. Nishi sputtered backwards, coughing and glaring at the ronin. Rin tried to hold back the wheeze as she kicked her student away from her, “See? You leave yourself open like that.”

The other students seemed to have stopped at the scuffle, the ronin shooting them a look that meant they’d have better paid attention during… whatever that lesson was. Also, to get back to training.

Nishi glared at her teacher, rubbing her throat. “Figures I get stuck with the only killer in the group,” she grumbled.

She glanced at the enforcer, nursing the bruise that would probably form from their tussle. There was no way she could imagine Ige, or Kohaku, or Keiko or… or even Hatch wanting to kill someone, even if he used to be part of a gang. “Yeah, I hope it stays that way.”

At Rin’s words, Nishi frowned, looking away from anyone else in the barn. Quickly, subtle enough that if she hadn’t been looking she would’ve missed it, she saw a minute nod from the other woman. Then she grumbled, “I’d kill someone for a damn drink around here…”

 

 

~~~

 

 

Since the attack, Hatch hadn’t exactly become cagey or distant. If anything, he acted (or at least tried to) the same as he had before. Which, really, just made her worry even more. Yet, even when she walked with him back to his room, she could never bring herself to say anything. “Ya know, you don’t have to follow me everywhere. I can get around on my own just fine,” he glanced over at her without betraying how he felt on his face, which just felt so damn _odd_ to see.

“I wasn’t trying to-- I mean, I _know_ you can get around just fine, I just,” she ran a hand through her bangs, organizing her thoughts as she walked next to him, “I was wondering how you’re doing after what happened. And I wanted to let you know you could talk to me, if you wanted to.”

“I know,” he smiled, but it wasn’t his warm and boyish grin; it was something a little threadbare around the edges. She returned the same smile to him, slightly tense as his was. He didn’t seem to recognize that she knew something; perhaps he just didn’t give a damn.

There wasn’t anything she could do about the situation, either. That much was abundantly clear. And Rin should’ve been _used_ to that level of helplessness, she’d gone through it ever since she defeated the baron, but this was one thing she absolutely hated being pathetic at. “Hatch, I know I’m not… I know I can’t be your old best friend, and you’ve only known me for a few months but I want to be someone you can rely on. You know?”

The look he gave her was so mournful that she wasn’t sure if it was she’d said something wrong. He didn’t respond, not immediately, but when he did the words dug deep into her chest, “That’s the problem, Rin. I’m always relying on you. I’m always asking for your help and I feel like,” he thought through what he was going to say, careful and precise. Not like him at all, “Like we’re never walking together. I’m always trailing behind ya and I can’t ever catch up. I don’t want that, I want to be your equal. I want to walk side by side with you.”

The answer he had baffled her. There was no reason to feel like they weren’t already equals; if anything, he was the one who was better than her, he lived in a shithole town same as she had but he never turned to killing people for money like she had. The ronin’s mind couldn’t even formulate a way in which they weren’t already on a level playing field. “Why would you ever think we aren’t?”  


The martial artist sent a punch towards her. Or at least, as close as he could without touching her. He couldn’t even properly ball his fingers together to make a fist, as she suspected. He held out his left hand in disgust, mumbling, “I can’t even do what really matters right now.”

“You could still hold someone who matters to you. That’s not nothing,” his friend said, though she could admit her reasoning was weak. She tried to smile for him, but all she could manage was something that felt fake on her lips. The ronin _couldn’t_ help, not even if she tried.

Still, Hatch had the decency to at least pretend that her thoughts had been deep enough to consider. He nodded, briefly, his face that same stern glance that he’d given what felt like years ago at the Baron’s manor. “I know. I know, Rin. I’ll try to keep that in mind,” he said, giving a glance that said he wanted to be alone for now. She wouldn’t try to press the issue, but she prayed that maybe once, she’d said the right thing.

 

 

~~~

 

 

Kohaku faced her, brushing her hand off of his--no, _her_ chest as she looked at the samurai. Perhaps it was the bath the two of them were in, but her face looked surprisingly flushed, “You don’t perhaps have anyone special in your life right now, do you?”

Spontaneous thoughts flooded her mind, of Tosh confessing their feelings towards her (and summarily explaining it was ‘a problem of the lack of sleep and the poison of the island’). Momoko talking about how love was _supposed_ to hurt, but most of all, she thought about Hatch and his promises. Maybe she _didn’t_ understand love. Not really. Maybe she had a hard time with friendship, too.

Maybe she was just the sort who had no idea what to do with requited feelings. Perhaps the doctor had a point, perhaps love _was_ supposed to hurt. Perhaps she was mistaking the only friendship she could remember for feelings of romance, maybe she was just _that_ desperate for any kind of positive relationship that she mistook it for ardor. Perhaps she was just always longing for something she couldn’t have, though perhaps she’d taken too long in the bath, since her head was starting to throb again. The samurai coughed, bringing Rin’s thoughts back to the other woman there. The ronin finally said, “It’s complicated.”

 

 

~~~

 

 

It was _her_ fault, she was in the wrong, she _led her on_ , the thoughts swirled and ate each other like starving children (that idea alone made something hot and metallic rise in the back of her throat). Her hands still stung when she got back to class, and no doubt Kohaku’s cheek would raise up in a welt. Why hadn’t she been more clear when the samurai asked if she had someone special in her life?

Or why hadn’t she let the woman down more gently? Certainly, she could hold a grudge when she didn’t like someone, but this was harsh even for her, right? It was unnecessary. It kept her heart out of training for the day, and apparently at least one person noticed. “Seems like you have a lot on your mind,” he took a careful seat, steadying himself with his good hand, “Something happen?”

“It’s…” _nothing_ was the end of the sentence that stayed on her tongue as she seriously considered what he had said during their last conversation. Perhaps if she relied on him, he’d feel more like they were on equal footing. “...Kohaku.”

The former fistfighter’s look changed into a look of such pure hatred that she wasn’t even certain she was looking at her friend. “Did he do something to you? If that samurai bastard tried anything, I swear, I’ll…”

“N-no! No, Kohaku didn’t try to--shit, Hatch, you know I could take care of myself if it was something like that,” Causing her friend to assume that the person who merely mentioned the possibility of marrying her had somehow assaulted her did nothing for the ronin’s guilt in the situation. Especially considering this wasn’t unlike his MO. “I… reacted badly to something Kohaku said and I… overreacted. Slapped them, honestly. I apologized.”

As if that really made it any better. His look softened, if only a little, his eyebrows furrowing, “What’d he say? Must’ve been really bad to rile you up that much.”

“Just, uh, my hand in marriage,” the ronin mumbled out. Once again, her friend’s face changed, from the soft anger that lingered, to several moments of shock. Good to know the idea of her being proposed to was just as absurd to him. He brought his good hand up to stroke his bearded chin as though this entire prospect were a particularly difficult riddle.

“Didn’t think you ‘n him had that kind of a relationship,” Hatch said finally.

“Yeah, well, obviously, neither did I.”

Despite her pathetic attempt at a joke, Hatch laughed anyway, even if it was largely out of pity. “Good thing I never proposed to you then, huh? You slapping me wouldn’t be great for our friendship.”

The mere mention of the martial artist proposing to her, of all people, was enough to make her heart leap into her throat and threaten to strangle her. Good thing her brain was still functioning enough to remind her that he clearly said this as a joke. Because they were friends, she probably wasn’t attractive to him, and besides, he wasn’t interested in that way. And that was fine! “Dunno, Hatch, if you picked the right setting for the date, maybe I would’ve given your cheek a smooch rather than a smack.”

He seemed to give the idea some thought before he said, “Maybe that soba place you liked so much back in Tonogasha.”

“Oh? With whose money?”

“Listen, I would _definitely_ have found a way to pay for it myself if I was asking you something that important. Don’t give me that look,” The man looked sullen at whatever expression she must’ve been making, and she only barely managed to keep herself from laughing. “I think I coulda made it real nice.”

Even a mock scenario like this was enough to make her stomach feel like a jar filled with butterflies, which was ridiculous, considering she wasn’t a a teenager who was falling for her first love or someone constantly enamored by a pretty face as her friend was. “Well, you’d probably be more likely to get a kiss, then. Unless you really screwed up asking me or something.”

That same grin she’d known so well stretched across his cheeks, boyish and warm as ever. She’d nearly forgotten how much she’d missed it. “Good to know you like me more than that jerk.”

“If I had a choice between you and Kohaku, I’d pick you every time. Hell, I’d probably pick you every time if it was between you and Tosh.”

“Hm, it’s the beard, isn’t it? It’s too irresistible,” he looked at her with shockingly mournful eyes, shaking his head slowly.

The ronin laughed; on probably anyone else she wouldn’t have much liked a beard, but since it was Hatch, she didn’t mind the change. “That must be it. Looking that handsome can’t help but make a girl swoon,” she joked, nudging him with her elbow. The martial artist ruffled her hair and even if was over a silly situation, his words still took her mind off of how she felt like she owed Kohaku anything.

The man’s hand moved from her head to her shoulder, patting gently. “I’d much rather hear you laugh than see ya look sad,” he muttered softly enough that she wondered if she was supposed to hear it at all. There was no way she could keep feeling miserable around Hatch, even if she wanted to.

“T-teacher! Are you busy right now?” It was the stagehand, Ige. Right, shit, she had a class she was still teaching. She brought a hand up to friend’s and pulled it off of her shoulder. It was only when she touched said hand that she realized it was the same one she’d… a wave of guilt washed over her as her fingers brushed against his scarred and burnt hand.

It didn’t even take a full glance to realize that he, too, was looking rather ashamed. Not that any of it was his fault, obviously. “S… see you later, Hatch,” she said by way of goodbye, her fingers lingering just a moment longer than she’d intended.

 

 

~~~

 

 

No matter how much time the ronin put into making everyone feel safe, like they learned something, the main person they never managed to convince was herself. Perhaps that was just how teachers usually felt regarding their students, but most didn’t send their students into death tournaments.

It was bad enough _without_ insomnia. But with it, she couldn’t drift off into a dreamless sleep. She brushed the hair out of her eyes (it was getting too long, it seemed she was destined towards an awkward bob) and rolled up her futon. The kid had already fallen straight to sleep, thankfully, although his face kept scrunching up as though he smelled something bad. Were they looking a little pink?

With the stealthy fingers of a clever pickpocket, she brushed her palm against their forehead and compared it to hers. Not warm. Good.

“Gonna go out for a walk. Be good while I’m gone,” She told them softly, threading her fingers through their bangs as she pushed them off of their face. The small shugenja made a noise, somewhere between a protest and a whimper yet settled back down quickly enough that she was certain she’d just imagined it.

The night air was still warm enough that she didn’t feel the chill of not wearing her hakama. For a village whose fate for the rest of the season was being dictated by the hopeless struggles of a few people, they seemed to sleep awfully well. It was quiet enough that she could hear a dog barking in the distant fields, and the crackle of a bonfire, glowing in the distance. Like only a human could, she was drawn towards the sound.

“Rin? Is that you?” The voice made her jump, until her mind connected said voice to her friend’s. It was more of a loud whisper, a quiet rumble, she wasn’t used to hearing him sound like that, _obviously_ that was why it startled her. She reached out both hands and her fingers cupped the fuzz on his cheeks.

If people could audibly make the noise a question mark made, the sound he made was likely it. “It’s me, Hatch, yeah,” Rin replied, running her thumb over his beard. Had her fingers been cold? His face was nice and toasty in comparison. Wait, shit, what was he doing awake? She was used to not sleeping, but she was _also_ used to hearing her friend snoring in the inn room. “Any reason you’re still awake?”

“Me? You’re the one who should be sleeping,” he chided, covering her hands with his own, “I don’t think our teacher should be running around ready to pass out.”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure the bloodlust will keep me going like it does every day.”

There was a sigh that flew from his lips and he shook his head, “Somehow, I don’t think we should rely on that.” The man had a point. Her murderous capabilities had been severely lacking and her anxiety was at an all time high, not much of a shape to do much of anything. “If you’re not gonna sleep any time soon, we could go watch the bonfire.”

“I’m fine with that,” she said, finally pulling her hands from her friend’s face. It wasn’t dark enough that the ronin had to stay nearby, but his presence was comforting enough that she wanted to. Even if she had no right to.

Unlike her, the martial artist had a much better idea of how the streets of the village worked. Whenever she seemed to stand at a crossroads, her tall friend would tug her in the correct direction, their feet twisting down the quiet dirt paths. Did he know the way there that well? Thoughts began to float across her brainspace, perhaps he’d been suffering the same sort of insomnia that she had for so long, perhaps he’d taken Kuniko on a date, perhaps some other girl, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. She shook her head, trying to dislodge the ideas that threatened to ruin her good time. Or at least, decent time.

Wandering around aimlessly seemed to finally get them where they were going. The bonfire spat embers into the sky as elderly men watched over it and the town. Even from a distance, Rin could feel the warmth cascading from it. Her companion bent down in a squat and patted the ground next to him, “C’mon, take a seat.”

“Why can’t you sit like a normal person? It’s like you’re trying to show off your ass.” Wait, shit, did she say that out loud? From the surprised glance on his face, it was clear that she, in fact, _did_ say that out loud. Good thing the light from the fire wasn’t clear enough that he could see her face burn.

He mumbled out what sounded like an apology and dropped to the ground. For what felt like hours, the two of them sat in awkward silence after Rin’s comment. At least, they were until Hatch said, “So you really think I’m trying to show off--”

“Y-you know, you never answered my question earlier. Why are you still awake?” Divide and conquer, that was always the way to win!

He paused at her question, before bringing his hand to the back of his neck, “Kinda hoped ya forgot about that.” The man sighed, but relented. “Been having a hard time with, uh, bad dreams lately, I guess. Sounds pretty dumb, huh?”

It didn’t; after years of sleep problems with her own nightmares, she had zero room to criticize someone else’s. “I’d never think that. You’ve been through a lot,” the ronin responded, wanting to console him with a hand on his arm, but not even knowing if that was alright to do.

“I mean, it was just an injury. You’ve gotten worse, you nearly _died_ from what happened to you,” even with the minimal light, she could see the shame, the embarrassment that glinted in his dark eyes.

“I don’t see _you_ waking up because of a nightmare or something dumb…”

“Yeah, I can’t even manage to get to sleep cause of mine. It’s way better,” she replied sardonically.

Her friend laughed, though it sounded more like a sigh than an actual chuckle. He held his left hand in front of him, staring past it into the bonfire. “You know, sometimes I still feel it. The fingers, I mean. Like they’ll itch or something and I try to scratch but it’s…”

“I’m sorry,” Rin blurted out, unable to stop herself. Rationally, she knew she didn’t force those samurai to kidnap Hatch or take him to the old outpost to be tortured but her emotions said she should’ve known better, should’ve been able to protect him. She knew that was selfish, she _knew_ it was self-centered, but she wanted someone she could blame this on. What better target than the one she’d painted on herself years ago? “I want to keep you safe, I want to keep all of you safe, you and Kuniko and Ige and Keiko and even Nishi and Kohaku. And especially Masashi. I want to be able to keep everyone safe but I feel like with each day that goes by I’m just getting weaker and slower and I’m scared that I’m going to die before I can keep everyone safe. Or worse, that those people are gonna go before I do.”

It took Hatch grabbing her shoulders for her to realize she was shaking. Not just shaking, her face had a dampness she only associated with rain, waterfalls, or weakness. She’d put money on the third one being the case. “Rin, stop.”

What was she thinking, blurting all of this out in front of one of the students she’d taught? One she’d failed especially, no less. She managed to keep her mouth shut before she started complaining about anything else. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

A calloused hand went to her face, turning it to look at him, “C’mon, that’s not what I meant. It feels… nice to know when you’re not doing alright. You don’t have to be strong all the time. But stop blaming yourself for everything, alright?” From the firelight, she could see the reliable, warm smile on his face, one that made her heart skip.

Even if Rin blamed herself, he never blamed her. Maybe it was exhaustion, maybe it was relief that even if she hated herself, her friend never had, but she wondered, “Hatch, I don’t know if this is alright for me to ask, but… can I hug you?”

She didn’t need to ask a second time. He scooped her into his arms, warm and firm, and her arms tangled around his neck, burying her face in his chest. If there had been a time before this that she’d been held, she certainly couldn’t remember it. Even if there was a weight on her shoulders still, it felt lighter. It just made her feel _better_. Rin was more than happy to sit in silence like this, even if she knew she had no right to. “It’s not your fault. Trust me, part of me _did_ try to blame ya for a little while but… I can’t keep doing that. You’re a good woman, probably better than you think you are,” his words became a soothing rumble, one that her heart’s rhythm seemed to slow just to hear.

The words felt so damn warm as they sat like this, tangled in each other’s arms. _It means nothing, Hatch has always been like this, he’s never seen the **real** you_ , her head told her, but her heart went into overdrive at him calling her a good woman. “If I’m a good woman, than you must be near to Buddha or something. I’ve never met someone as forgiving or caring as you.”

His tight grip loosened, pulling her back to look at her face. “I’m not-- The thing is, I’ve changed. That whole attack, it changed me. I’m not the same carefree Hatch, I,” the sparse light from the fire glinted off of his teeth, the sound of his teeth grinding echoing through the dark. 

“If this is gonna be some big revelation about how you wanna kill the guy that hurt you or threatened Kuniko, did you want me to pretend to be shocked? Because that doesn’t make you a bad person. It just makes you a person,” she brushed the back of her hand against his heart, hoping the meaning was clear. _It means you’re alive_.

Being one of many kinds of people who had a hard time with forgiveness weighed heavy on him, however, “My grandpa always said people are worth forgiving. If you don’t, then it just eats at you…” her friend covered her hand with his own, nails biting into his own skin, “I can feel it, twisting around in there. I don’t want it, but I can’t let it go. No matter what I try.” He looked away from her, ashamed of his own anger.

Which was ridiculous to her. Anger was just a part of what kept people _alive_ , and being embarrassed that he hated someone was borderline preposterous. Still, if it had to do with his grandfather…

“Hatch, I know anger hurts. And the fact is, your grandpa probably didn’t want you to have to suffer it long, but sometimes you can’t help it.”

The expression on his face was too complex for her to read in the low light, but they sat in silence for a time. The only noise between the two of them was the soft crackle of the bonfire. Eventually, he released her hand, running a hand through his hair in a familiar manner. “I know, I just. He deserves more than me hurtin’ someone ‘cause I’m mad,” the martial artist sighed, closing his eyes to the warm light of the fire. A sigh wracked through his body as he mumbled out, “Dunno how I’m gonna get any sleep tonight.”

“Holding onto someone generally keeps the nightmares away. At least, it does for me,” the ronin replied. _Like Kuniko_ , the words remained locked in her mind, but she had enough sense to pull herself off of Hatch. No one liked someone who was desperate.

But as she rose, his arms kept her from giving them any kind of respectable distance. “Do, um, you think you could stay a little while, then? Not long, if ya don’t want to.”

What she could remember for the rest of the evening was lying curled up against him, arms tucked around him, and questions of ‘did ya wanna get up now?’ To which the answer was always, “A little longer’s fine.” Until words lost their meaning and the only thing that mattered was the heat pressed against her body, the ticklish feeling of loose, slightly coarse hairs, and the soft, rhythmic sound of someone snoring gently.

 

 

~~~

 

 

Rin woke up with her face pressed into an unforgiving futon, wondering if the night before had been some sort of fever dream. It felt awfully early. Of course, _too early_ didn’t mean much to her employer since they’d started travelling with her, and was already combing tangles out of their hair after tucking away their futon. “You look like rats have used your hair for bedding. Or should I say chipmunks? Some savior you are,” the child chided upon noticing her dazed rise from bed.

“Yeah, well, we can’t all wake up full of sunshine, my noble Hashimoto,” she shot back, running her fingers through her bangs. The kid gave her an annoyed glare (the sort that usually preempted a mouthful from said youth), but instead their gaze turned softer.

“You appeared to suffer from a bout of insomnia. Was this ameliorated?” they said, whipping out their fancy words too early in the morning. Upon realizing this, Hashimoto rolled their eyes and instead said, “Do you feel better now?”

The ronin sighed and wondered why they felt the need to wave their education around, as if anyone who spoke to them would forget it. “Mm, I kept having a bad dream that a red panda was calling me a fool and I had to fight off a rather cheeky crow. Ah, and a swan kept telling me how important my duty was,” she responded, stroking her chin knowledgeably, though it was beardless, “It’s such a shame I can’t have calm dreams anymore, truly.”

She expected the kid to get angry. Or at least call her a fool for brushing off this concern. But instead, they looked prepared to cry; she could always blame that on them snagging a tangle in their hair, except what Hashimoto said next couldn’t excuse her from blame. “I’m legitimately worried for your wellbeing, Rin! You never… you never…” they sniffled, though the kid was obviously trying to hide it.

Great, waking up and making her red panda cry, that was exactly what she’d been planning to do.

Though she also imagined that anything she would’ve said to try to fix the situation would’ve made things worse. After all, ‘you’re a child and you shouldn’t have to listen to my complaints about the world’ didn’t much feel like a reason that’d make them feel any better. The kid silently untangled their hair and stuck a lily in their hair. “You don’t need to worry about me, I can take care of my problems myself,” the ronin told the kid as she rolled her futon up.

Hashimoto crossed their arms, frowning at their bodyguard. For a moment, it appeared they were prepared to nag her ear off, but the child instead looked away and turned back to her with a weak smile. “Well… I suppose you did come home asleep eventually. Thank Hachirobei-san for that!” the small grin on the shugenja’s face slowly became almost insufferably smug, as if the kid knew something that the ronin did not. She had half a mind to ask what that noble was talking about, but someone else opened one of the sliding doors to the outside.

“Good mornin’ lady Masami! You haven’t gotten your hakama on yet, Rin? Must’ve been wanting to catch up on some good dreams,” a familiar, almost cloyingly sunshiney face of her friend, beard and all, appeared from the opening.

Her eyes narrowed as she made a rather insufferable face herself, “Eeeh, did you want to come early so you could get a good peek at my legs? Or perhaps--”  


The door was immediately shut again. Hatch whined through the door, “C’mon, though, ya can’t sleep all day.”

It wasn’t even _that_ late. Though she did suppose it was a wonder she slept in at all, she usually spent her nights tossing and turning until she got a few hours in and called it good. The ronin got properly dressed and emerged from her room with the kid in tow, smiling as if they had anything to do with their appearance. She ignored the shugenja and asked, “So’s everyone ready? Waiting in the village square or something?”

Hatch gave a surprisingly sneaky grin, but he didn’t respond to her questions as he pulled her towards the barn they all trained in. “C’mon, I have something I wanted to talk to you about,” he said, though the amount of things he’d want to talk to her about seemed like it couldn’t have been a long list. ‘I want to settle down with Kuniko after this is over’ ( _fair, reasonable_ ), or maybe ‘we did stay together last night but I think it’s a little much for us to keep doing something like this’ ( _also reasonable, but a bit odd to have the kid there for_ ) or ‘stop being so desperate around me’ ( _fair, reasonable, if maybe a bit much before the tournament_ ).

A small pile of food and most of the village, headed by Kuniko, was not what she was expecting. Her cheeks and fingers were stained an indigo blue as she clapped her hands, turning the crowd to face her and her friends. “One, two, three!”

“Do your best, Rin- _sensei_! Good luck, Tanimura fighters!” came the roar of the crowd. Of the things she expected, this was fairly low. Even her students seemed excited to see her, including the rather rough and murderous ones (Nishi gave her a look that said she’d do this _today_ but only cause someday she wanted a real rematch). The confidence in her was almost dizzying, though not as dizzying as the smell of fresh-cooked breakfast.

Her reply of “Thank you so much” was tragically drowned out by her stomach groaning for food. Keiko, with the same indigo stains on her own cheeks Kuniko had on her own (though, oddly, she didn’t have any on her fingers) gestured her back towards the food.

Then it dawned on her that there was one last thing to do. Pushing her way past the people, the former maid slash yakuza member came back with a haori the same shade of purple/blue as the night sky. “Kuniko spend all night makin’ these! Put it on, put it on!” The ronin took the rumpled cloth from the gleeful woman, though she jumped back a little when Rin made a move to take it. The mayor’s daughter set a hand on her arm, patting encouragingly. How odd, the ronin didn’t recall the two of them knowing each other before this tournament. They must’ve gotten to know each other, womanly bonding and all that.

“They look great, Kuniko! Thanks!” Hatch grabbed a haori for himself, poking his arms through the sleeves with a grin filled with pride. The woman he addressed beamed with just as much enthusiasm as he had, and something inside of Rin’s chest twisted painfully. _Stop it, you miserable old monster_ , she reprimanded herself, tying the strings on her jacket.

Kuniko gestured broadly at the pile of rice before them, apparently remembering the noise the ronin’s stomach had made, “There’s plenty of food for everyone! Only the best for the champions of Tanimura!” Right, food. If she couldn’t drown her obnoxious feelings in something intoxicating, might as well try to smother them by stuffing them down with rice.

 

 

~~~

 

 

( _Should I kill this part of me?_ ) It echoed through her brain, distant ( _should I kill this part of me?_ ) and aching ( _shouldIkillthispartofme?_ ). Nishi directed her to where Hatch had gone, saying cryptically, “Maybe you could talk to that dumbass.”

The path he took wound around the tournament complex, meandering past the food stalls and finally stopping at a too-full riverbank. At least, that was where she found him, watching the flooded waters surge over the stones and letting his wet haori dry over a dead sapling. _Should I kill this part of me?_ She tried to shake the words out of her head but they stayed firmly glued to her brain. Taking a seat next to her friend, she stole a glance at him from out of the corner of her eye. It seemed that he didn’t take much notice of her, staring blankly at the water instead of saying anything to his friend.

The ronin wasn’t certain what she was expecting of the man. Hell, she couldn’t even remember what she felt when she first killed someone (though the smell of blood wafted through her nose and her head screamed in anger at the thought). “I wanna walk beside you,” Hatch finally said, quietly, “But every time I think I’m catching up, I think I’m only falling farther behind.”

“You still thinking about that?”

“It’s something I think about a lot,” he replied, turning his head to look at her. After all this, did he still not think they were equals? They’d _always_ been equals. Though she doubted her words would’ve helped anything, she still wanted him to believe it. He turned back to the river, watching as it washed over stones and loose branches, cracking and wearing them down. “I got a name, y’know. Captain Goro. He’s the one who…”

He didn’t finish the sentence, but it was clear enough from the staring at his left hand what he meant. “Anyways, he’s supposed to be in the next fight.”

She turned her whole body back to her friend, putting her hands over his own, “And you wanna kill him?”

Fists clenched underneath her own, a dark shadow filling the man’s eyes, “It’s selfish, right? But I hate him, I can’t even go back to Jijinto like this. I’m a broken man and it’s _his_ fault and I know I need to let it go but I just can’t! I don’t know what to do with what I’m feelin’, Rin!”

Above all else was the fact that _Hatch was not broken_. Maybe he was missing fingers, maybe he couldn’t form a fist anymore, maybe he was still recovering from the damage that they did to him and he’d never heal properly with this stupid tournament, but he _was not broken_. Her hands flew up to his face turning him to look at her, “You’re not, Hatch! Just… just because you’re injured, that doesn’t mean anything, okay? You’ll never be broken to me.”

Whatever darkness was in his eyes was gone, they now only reflected the blue of her own outfit back at her. Even if they looked terribly sad. “It’s not somethin’ I can recover from, you know? I mean, it isn’t like they’re gonna grow back.”

“I know that, but… I mean, I’m always gonna have that word on my stomach, ‘obedient’, and I don’t know if I’ll ever know why. I know it’s not much of a comparison, but we’ve both been beaten up by life, right?” She smiled at him. Weak and tired, but a smile nonetheless.

But her friend’s eyebrows knotted at her words, rather than relaxing as she’d hoped they would. A frown creased his face and he said, “Do ya really not remember anything? Is that why ya…” Callused hands pulled her own off of his face and methodically increased the distance between the two of them.

She had no idea why, either. Why would mentioning her scar do that? Was that really _that_ terrible of a response? Or maybe, maybe he’d just noticed she was getting too close. He had Kuniko, after all, there was no reason to wish he had the sort of disaster that she was. “S-sorry if I bothered you there, it won’t happen again.”

Silence overtook the two of them. It was her fault for being so familiar with the guy. Sure, they were friends, but that didn’t mean constantly touching each other like she was so prone to. She was just as bad as Kohaku was, wasn’t she? Should’ve been glad that Hatch wasn’t the sort to resort to immediate violence when someone was being too pushy with him-- “Hey, Rin, d’you remember my animal?”

“A pony,” she said it without thinking. Even if it felt like years ago, she could remember the tiny steed, the sika deer nibbling at its mane. The swan, the red panda, she could remember them all.

Hatch glanced at her, but quickly looked away, “Right. Not a very big guy, but one that’s great with kids, gentle. But he came to me in heavy armor, looking like he was gonna be crushed, and he told me I had to learn the sword. So I tried. And I’m still trying, but I know it’s weighing me down.” 

The ronin could relate to the weight of a sword. She thought she knew what the weight of killing someone was, but if the fight earlier had proven anything… clearly she’d forgotten what that meant. Her fingers itched to reach out and touch him, to reassure him that he could get stronger because she’d gotten strong enough to bear it (even if she lost it once again) but the doubt that her friend would even want that kept her from acting.

Even if physically, she kept herself from doing anything, she could at least verbally tell him that she believed in him, “I know it’s hard, but I know you’re strong. Even if you’re not meant to be strong holding a sword, you can be strong in so many other ways. Don’t give up hope.”

“The things you say sometimes… it really makes me wish you kept your promise,” he muttered softly, quiet enough that she wasn’t even sure if she was supposed to hear it. Was he talking about staying alive for him? If she wasn’t alive, it was news to her. He let out a huge sigh, running a hand through his hair, “Sorry, Rin. I got a lotta stuff to think about, would you be alright leaving me alone for a while?”

Honestly speaking, she didn’t. It wasn’t in her to just leave her friend sitting at around somewhere dangerous just so they could think. “You’ll come back though, right?”

The martial artist stood and looked back at her with an almost mournful glance. “Promise.”

 

 

~~~

 

 

It was late. Another sleepless night would’ve been fine, if the reason for her anxiety wasn’t entirely tied up with a particular missing martial artist. But no, tonight she was fretting because he promised he’d come back but he still hadn’t arrived at the communal sleeping quarters. No, the martial artist probably hadn’t intended to return that _night_ , just that he’d come back eventually (probably spending his last definitive night alive in the arms of the mayor’s daughter and _why did that bother her just let someone else be happy_.)

Either way, sleep felt like a bust, and she decided she’d rather go for a walk to refocus rather than lamenting on the sheet they called a futon. He’d be back in the morning, like he promised.

The night air was cool and crisp, so unlike the previous night. Or perhaps the atmosphere here just made everything feel colder. A small shiver ran through her body as she got used to the cold, watching the bobbing lights of the guards posted around the area. Easy enough to slip away into the night even with them. In the dark, everything took on a ghostly feeling that made Rin feel like she was wandering the underworld. ( _How poetic)_.

Thoughts kept dipping into her head, ugly ones that she wanted no part of ( _visit Tanimura, find Hatch, find him tangled up with Kuniko, destroy them_ ). Instead, she rubbed warmth into her limbs as she wandered the now-quiet path to the tournament hall, tents pitched and the occupants long since asleep. That was, against all reasoning, when she saw the person she was looking for.

The white of his martial arts gi stood out in comparison to the night around them. Her heart leapt into her throat at the sight of Hachirobei for no other reason than he was safe and standing before her. “You’re back,” the relief warmed her words and body, and she felt a little silly that she’d been fretting so much over it.

It seemed to take her friend a moment to realize she was standing in front of him. He blinked several times before finally giving a slightly awkward grin, “I guess I’m home, huh?”

Rin laughed a little, in spite of herself. Glee from having him back where she could see him, she supposed. “Feeling better?”

“Uh… well... I dunno. Maybe,” he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, his mouth becoming a half-frown. Part of her wanted to know what he had to think about for so long, but she knew better than to press him for details.

She jerked her head back towards the complex where the teams were sleeping for the night, “Ready for some shut-eye for tomorrow, then?”

To the ronin’s surprise, her bearded friend shook his head. “I think I still have some things to sort out. Sorry,” now _she_ was feeling a frown forming on her cheeks. The ronin supposed she could head back on her own, but she didn’t want her friend to feel like he had no one to turn to.

“Did you wanna talk about it?”

They way he straightened up as he asked told her that yes, he did very much want to talk to her about it, but his shifted glance said he didn’t. Part of her very much wanted to throw her arms around him and tell him she’d be fine with whatever he asked but another, larger part told her the risk of him hating it was too high to even attempt. So she smiled at him as encouragingly as she could manage, as she waited for him to sort out his words. He huffed out a soft sigh and asked, “Rin, have you ever… have you ever had someone you knew and things change about the two of you, but you don’t know if it’s okay to talk about?”

“Relationships change all the time, Hatch. _People_ change, that’s part of what knowing someone’s about,” the ronin said, hoping to ease his mind a little. Not that it seemed to help, as it only made his eyebrows furrow more deeply.

“Yeah, I know, but…” he crossed his arms with another sigh. It must’ve really been weighing heavy on him, “...let’s say ya _know_ why someone’s changed, but you also know if they ever figure it out, they might just change back, and you don’t know if they’d have the same feelings if they did. Is it still okay to talk about then?”

Rin wasn’t an idiot. She knew she’d changed since something had effected her memories after she fought the baron, though she couldn’t measure how much of herself had been altered. Maybe Hatch felt like they were closer now, it made sense given how apparently closed off she used to be. Maybe he was worried about her not being as supportive of him. “Hatch, if you wanna talk to me about something, I’m happy to listen.”

His eyes widened, apparently having believed himself to be sneakier than he actually was. From the way his lip jutted out at her realization, she almost worried he’d been spending too much time around her employer. “So, uh, the thing is, you’ve been a _really_ good friend lately. Not that you weren’t before or anything, you’ve just been… I dunno, more open and stuff, and it’s really made me feel like I’m someone you value.”

“I’ve always valued you, Hatch.”

“No, I know, just--it made me feel like I was really someone you relied on and it felt really nice,” the martial artist smiled, something small and warm, but it made her heartbeat quicken, regardless. But his expression changed once again, to something almost mournful, “The thing is, I don’t know if it’s just because you’ve forgotten or… I don’t even know. I tried to talk to Tosh and they wouldn’t tell me what it that’s changed, either. But all I know is I’m scared of losing the ‘you’ that’s here now.”

Now it was her turn for the confused look. She hadn’t changed that much, had she? “Even if I remember, I’m still me. Whatever I remember won’t change who I am as a person.”

“Ya don’t know that, though.”

No one knew the future, obviously, but that didn’t mean that words should go left unsaid. “Just tell me. It’s not like you to try to sneak around a subject.”  


First, the martial artist cleared his throat for almost an excessively long period of time. He took a deep breath, then another, and when he let the last breath out, he looked her in the eyes and said, “I think that I’m interested in you. In an, uh, love kind of a way.”

Clearly she must’ve fallen asleep on the side of the road. Or she was misinterpreting what he was saying. Or _something_ because why the fuck would her friend Hachirobei, inheritor of the Rising Fist fighting style, local idiot with a heart of gold, former drinking buddy, ever say something like ‘I’m into you’. “Come again?”

“I, uh, I think I’m in love with you. I don’t expect you t’like me back or anything but I felt like I should say it,” he repeated, rubbing the back of his neck. Nope, she hadn’t imagined it. Oh, maybe she was dreaming, she grabbed her cheek between her thumb and forefinger, pulling hard. Nope, that hurt, she wasn’t dreaming. “R-Rin? You okay?”

“I’m just making sure I’m not dreaming what you just said. Because… well, shit, I’ve the same way for a long while now,” She pushed her bangs back, the cool night air feeling wonderful on her too-warm face.

It seemed she wasn’t the only person who was having trouble understanding what was being said, “Wha-- really? Since when?”

It was too warm tonight, wasn’t it? Definitely not just her, “You remember the memory you saw at the Baron’s? When I said ‘my heart belongs to another’?”

The gears in her friend’s head seemed to suddenly kick into overdrive as he thought. Sure, it was mixed with some painful memories that he seemed all-too-happy to forget, but the point was that it was before the Baron was defeated, _before_ all the nonsense that had happened in her mind. If that was the case, then there was a chance that even if her memories came back, that she’d still feel the same way. 

Her friend gave her a look that said he still had something to speak to her about. The ronin tilted her head at him, and he continued, “Rin, do you still believe what you told me after I got injured?”

Frankly, she wasn’t certain what he was meaning when he said that. But regardless, she wanted to think he wasn’t thinking of something stupid or awful that she’d told him before. “Of course I do.”

The martial artist closed the gap between them, lifting his friend into his arms, Ashamed as she was to admit it, she did yelp in distress at the sudden action, Hatch chuckling softly, “Sheesh, Rin, how much did you eat this morning? You’re heavier than I remember you being.”

“Here I thought you’d be happy I was eating properly,” she shot back, feeling a little indignant.

Hatch laughed again, bumping his forehead against hers. Was he trying to-- her heart thudded in her ears (berating herself all the while, _you’ve kissed before, who knows how many times, why are you acting so green about it_ ) as she closed her eyes. There was a shyness as he pressed his lips to hers, innocent and nervous. Even with the beard, it still felt soft. Gentle and warm, unlike anything else she’d ever experienced before. It awoke in her something she didn’t know she needed until then.

He pulled away in a manner she could’ve easily assumed to have been coyness as they stared into each others’ eyes. “Was that too much?”

She laced her arms around his neck as she closed the distance between them once again, “Not nearly enough.”

 

 

~~~

 

 

Ige was dead, but he wasn’t the only one. Last he knew, his (girl)friend didn’t seem able to remember how to kill, at least not like she apparently used to.

Now she stood in the middle of the arena, expression calm and collected, almost nonchalant, as she sliced hundreds of cuts into the men who’d killed the youngest of her pupils. All while her eyes flashed the yellow of a wild wolf. This must’ve been why their Kondo friend was so nervous around her. Even if she looked like the Rin he knew, this wasn’t the same woman who would spit on her own fingers and try to rub a spot off of the little noble’s cheeks. Not the same one who would say something clever and then give an obnoxious smile about it for hours.

Not the same woman who held him close so that he could drift off into a nightmare-free sleep.

Or maybe he was just lying to himself so that he could still love her. Who knew. No, he could handle this, he loved her. If he couldn’t do this for her, what _could_ he do? He took a step forward, but he was pulled back by an unexpected hand; Nishi, that woman from the yakuza, “Don’t interfere with that thing. It’ll kill ya.”

He had half a mind to scold her for calling their teacher a ‘thing’ but watching the ronin, he could see where she was coming from. Though the cuts the rampaging swordswoman made appeared to be random, they were so quick, so precise, there must’ve been some sort of logic to them. Cruel, inhuman even, and closer to a machine than a person.

Captain Goro had long since fled, but Hatch had no interest in pursuing him only because _someone_ needed to stop Rin. It had to be him. He knew her best, after all. He pulled Nishi’s hand off of his arm and continued towards her, wishing that the rattling he heard wasn’t from his own shoulders but the clatter of the rickety sword she always carried. Upon getting close enough, he realized it wasn’t rattling, it was a word, repeated over and over, so fervently that it stopped sounding like speech.

_Jun._

It came back to him in a wave, the quiet whispering of the ninja, the annoyed huffs of the noble, the word on the doctor’s lips as she treated her injured patient. Jun. The final proof that what held her back was her memories, or lack thereof. And now that she had them back, she was free to rampage as much as she wanted. 

While a disgustingly large portion of his heart felt that this was some sort of karmic retribution for how those samurai had starved villages, assaulted homes, and harmed people (his missing fingers suddenly ached), the ronin had done more than enough. “Rin, you can stop,” he told her, attempting to remain calm.

One of the samurai screamed for help as she slid her katana across his head, cleaving it in half. She wasn’t listening, or else she wasn’t there to listen. Upon one of the samurai definitively dying, she moved to the second one, still groaning in agony over the slices she’d dealt him. More forcefully, he said, “Rin, you can stop.”

It seemed that for a moment, she hesitated. He hoped against hope that she’d shake herself out of this, but no, she shook her head and went right back to slicing new holes into the samurai. _You’re_ _better than this, I know you are_. But he wasn’t naive enough to think that the power of love was going to pull her out of this. He said that to himself several times as he approached, each step less sure than the last.

Her sword slid between the ribs of the second man with an almost bored disdain. The kid didn’t need to see this happen… he nodded to himself as he continued forward, fighting the fear. He could get her to stop. This was fine, it would work out fine. This had to come to an end, and he would bring it about, that was what he kept telling himself.

Hatch tightened his grip on the katana he held, trying to psyche himself up for what he knew would happen. He put a hand on her shoulder, his sword ready to defend himself if necessary, and spun her around, “Rin, you don’t have to--”

He was interrupted by a sword slashing across his face. It hurt, damn did it hurt, but it didn’t feel like anything deep. Red swam into his vision as the slash bled down into one of his eyes, and as he looked at the ronin, he saw those wild yellow eyes warm to the brown that he knew. Relief flooded through him, not because he enjoyed seeing the panic and misery in her eyes as she stared at him, but because the woman he knew and loved was still there. He wiped the blood from his brow and gave the woman who stood before him a reassuring smile, though it hurt to do so.

Her lips mouthed the words, ‘ _I’m so sorry_ ’ before the General announced that he had reached a winner of the tournament.

 

 

~~~

 

 

A monster, no better than Jun, that’s what Hatch’s face said to her every time she looked at it. Of course this would happen, she thought Momoko was cute, she breaks her fingers; she confesses her love for Hatch, she nearly splits his head in two like an ripe watermelon. It was like a bad joke, but the joke was that Rin was horrendous and didn’t belong around people.

With her blade against the throat of the demon she’d came to kill, she quietly wished that the martial artist had put her down like a rabid animal, ignoring the rantings of a dying man. He burst like an infected wound with threats that his death would just release his samurai, bloodthirsty, conniving men, onto the villages. This left her dumbfounded; Tosh might have only cared about the bottom line (a demon was dead), but the people there still mattered to her. What sort of village hero would leave them to get pillaged by roaming samurai? Perhaps she could see if Kohaku could help with Tanimura, but that meant nothing to the rest of the ones under Shatao’s control…

The martial artist stepped forward, taking the helmet of the deceased general. No, this… he grinned at her, though this was punctuated by him muttering, “Ouch.” There was no way he was going to try to take the place of the general. That didn’t make sense. Sure, with the helmet on, they had a similar build and size, but that didn’t mean… “Rin, don’t look so freaked out there. I haven’t even put the helmet on,” he joked.

“Hatch, you don’t have to pretend to be the general. I can’t ask you to do that!”

“Yeah, I kinda decided to do it on my own, so I don’t think you asking or not would’ve changed my mind,” he said, attempting to figure out how the helmet worked. It took Kohaku stepping in and shaking her head to make him stop.

She wished someone else would step in and say something. Logically speaking it was perfect; he was similar enough that there wouldn’t be issues, and if Kohaku stayed as well then she could fill in any gaps he had as an actor, and most importantly, it meant he could stay far, far away from her. Less danger that way. None from her and (hopefully) none from the ex she’d been fleeing. The one she was becoming more and more like as time went on… “Ah, General, if you need an, erm, moment with your new recruit, I can let the men know outside,” it was Kohaku, giving a curt nod and escorting Keiko and Nishi from the room. If Rin hadn’t already felt guilty about slapping the woman, this certainly would’ve.

As soon as they exited the room, the ronin blurted out, “I’m so--”

But this was mixed by Hatch’s own words, “I’m glad--”

Rin clamped her mouth shut and motioned for the soon-to-be imposter to speak. Once again, he started, “I’m glad I can do this for you. This actually feels like I’m helping your big, holy journey somehow.”

“You’ve always been helping me, don’t sell yourself short,” she frowned, unable to stop herself. There were thousands of reasons to be happy for Hatch wanting to help her with this, but it felt like someone had driven a spear into her chest and started twisting.

“This is different and you know it,” he scolded her gently, shaking his head, “this is letting you continue on your journey. It’s a relief to be able to do that.”

A relief. Maybe not directly, but being away from her would be good, a breath of fresh air. It stung, she knew why it stung, and she deserved every bit of it but damn if it didn’t ache terribly. “You’re right. I mean, I can keep going at least, and the villages will be safe, that’s what we really need here.” 

The edges of his eyes crinkled as he looked at her, though the wound she’d given him seemed to keep his mouth from reacting with the rest of him. “You’ve gotten all your memories back now, huh?”

“Yeah. I did.”

“I, uh, I know you didn’t mean to do it. The face thing, you know, you weren’t in control of yourself--”

She had to interrupt before he continued, “I understand if, ah, you’re not interested in a relationship with me, I did something awful , whether or not I was in control of myself, and all the apologies in the world can’t fix that.”

Hatch stared her down before she finally shut herself up, looking away from him, and he continued, “--You weren’t in control of yourself, but I know you’re getting control of it. ‘Cause you _coulda_ killed me, that’s the truth, but you didn’t. You saw me and you stopped rampaging and… I dunno. If you just care about that Jun person, I understand, but it’d make me really happy if you kept your promise.”

The ronin had been momentarily stunned by his words, until she remembered how much he _shouldn’t_ want her alive by the time it was said and done. She’d cut him, she wasn’t any better than the samurai who mutilated him. “You should hate me. I’d rather you hated me. I’ve done something unforgivable to you, you shouldn’t just… accept it!”

“Hate eats you alive,” he said with a solemn glance, repeating the words of his grandfather “but I won’t lie, if you can gain control over that, or stop it, that might be one of the only ways I’m happy to see you again. But…”

Walking across the tatami, he brushed her long bangs behind her ear, brushing a thumb against the jagged scar that cut her right eyebrow in half. “I love you, I really do. And I wanna believe in ya. Okay?”

The words she wanted to say formed a lump in her throat. _You idiot_ and _I can’t promise that_ and _I love you too_ , but they gummed together and wouldn’t come out. What she could say instead was, “Okay.”

“Oh, can I add another promise to that, too?” his thumb and palm traced down her face, and she could almost feel the ghosts of his missing fingers. If she couldn’t see his face flushing red, she would’ve sworn that a single night of kissing and cuddling had somehow transformed this man into Hikaru Genji. “If you’re gonna stay alive for me, could you promise to come back to me, too?”

Her mind told her to reject the promise, he didn’t need the trouble the ronin would cause, but her heart was already bobbing her head up and down as she said, “Promise.”

A kiss, apparently, was not enough to agitate Hatch’s wound, the ronin trying to memorize the way this felt, the way he smelled, the warmth of his body, everything. It ended, as all good things must, when Kohaku knocked on the ‘General’s door, and Hatch gave her a final tender look before he put the helmet on his head. A spitting image of the deceased demon. She gave him a weak smile and bowed, mumbling, “We’ll meet again, love.”

The swordswoman believed she could hear, “I can’t wait.”

**Author's Note:**

> *angry guitar playing at bs devon said about the female ronin*


End file.
